“Does he feel like yours yet?” Seems like a reasonable question to most people. What those people don’t know is he “felt” like mine the minute I saw his name and had no idea how to pronounce it. Then, I saw his picture, he emotionally became my son and it was no longer possible for me not to consider him mine. He “felt” like mine before he legally was, now I just have paperwork to back it all up! The day we got to meet him face to face, what a difficult joy. He came running out of that orphanage like he was excited about what was ahead for him, he accepted us and our gifts like he knew us and he quietly displayed his emotions in the van like a boy beyond his years. My heart is forever changed and forever connected to “him”. He already trusts me with his precious and unsolicited hugs and kisses, he trusts that I will be there when he goes looking for me because he is feeling sad or confused, he trusts that I will help him with those tasks that are difficult to do without a hand, he trusts that I have accepted what some might call a defect, he trusts that I will figure out what he is saying when I don’t even speak his language, and he trusts me as he responds to being called Caleb, which means faithful and bold. What he doesn’t know is that those hugs and kisses make my day and I will gladly return every one of them, they humble me. What he doesn’t know is that I would rather a millstone be around my neck and cast into the sea than to leave him alone in his grief and adjustment to life in America, it is my privilege. What he doesn’t know is that he has already inspired me by his determination to live life to the fullest despite any handicaps, it leaves me with no excuses for myself. What he doesn’t know is that I hardly notice that missing part of his body because I can’t get past the beauty and mischievousness in his dark eyes, they make me smile every time. What he doesn’t know is that love covers over those gaps in communication, he is still a boy it is easy to know what he is thinking! What he doesn’t know is that he will live up to his name beyond what any of us can imagine, he is God’s creation made for a specific purpose.

That is only the beginning – then there is the whole other side of watching my other children take him in like he has been here forever. What emotions arise to see them interact, to see them not care that he looks different from them, to accept him exactly as he is. Well, of course, there is Mia, whose princess throne has been a little rocked, but the rest of them have shown strength of character beyond my own. To think that God saw fit for me to be their mother – it is daunting to think about, humbling in the least and a call I am unfit for except for the fact that I know I don’t have to do it on my own strength. Then to see the picture below of Caleb looking into Cameron’s eyes with a look of devotion and trust that should take years to develop…. It makes me consider my own Heavenly Father, what tender devotion and support He gives to me as He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. Isn’t that what adoption boils down to, my heavenly Father’s unconditional acceptance of me, it is really a simple story.

So, I guess the answer to the question is – “Yes, he feels like mine because he was destined to be, but I know he has only been entrusted to me for a time by the one who created Him so perfectly.” I am left so thankful to my Heavenly Father for the 8 children He entrusted to me, so thankful to Cameron for taking this journey with me and loving me through it all, so thankful to 2 women whom I have never met and yet who have given me 2 of the most precious gifts I could ever receive.  I am left with 8 precious blessings. I am left with a changed heart in so many ways, humbled by God’s grace in every circumstance.